When Did I Become so Laid Back?

I am well known as a control freak and perfectionist.  Growing up, I always thought that when it was time for me to be married, I would need every single detail to be perfect.  My friends, as much as they love me, feared that I would drive them crazy when planning my wedding.  There is a Diet Dr. Pepper from a couple years ago with a bride who was putting her bridesmaids through bridesmaid bootcamp.  In a drill instructor voice, the bride said something like, "You nails will be painted! You hair will be up!"  All of my friends called me and told me that was going to be me and they were dreading it but were preparing themselves for it emotionally.  And I laughed and agreed with them because I knew that it was true.

Now that I am actually planning my wedding, and have been planning for the last 9 months, things have changed.  I am close to obsession with lots of details for my wedding.  Everytime I walk into a store, I look for a great deal that could be incorporated into our wedding even though it is still more than a year away.  But most of my worries are about making my guests feel and understand how happy we are to have them in our lives and for them to all have the best time ever.  It is so important to me that I be a good hostess that things like matching bridesmaids dresses and painted nails mean very little to me.  I am not so concerned with what the bridesmaids wear or how their hair is.  All I really care about is that they have a great time and that they feel as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside.

I had one of my lovely bridesmaids over for dinner a few nights ago while my man was at the baseball game with friends.  And of course we started talking about wedding stuff and she asked me what dresses I had in mind for the bridesmaids.  She was literally shocked when I told her that she can pick her own dress as long as it is the same color and fabric as the other bridesmaids (and not strapless, I have banned strapless dresses from my wedding party because I personally feel they are overdone).  Then she asked me if she can wear her hair down and I told her that I really don't care.  Apparently, that is also shocking because so many other brides make their bridesmaids get their hair done in a certain way.  The nail in the coffin for her perception of me came when I told her that I will not require her to have anything done (hair, makeup, nails, etc.) unless I am paying for it myself.  If she chooses to get those things done with me I think that's great but I would feel awful to force people to spend money for something that they might want to just do themselves.

After all these years, I have become a slightly less Type-A personality while planning the event that turns lots of sane women into "Bridezillas".  Shocking.

China and Crystal and Flatware! Oh My!!

Registering for wedding gifts is a normal part of the wedding planning process.  Although I felt a little uneasy about asking people for thousands of dollars worth of presents for my fiance and I, we ended up having a great  time registering.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to say that this was not our first time registering.  Shortly after our engagement, we went to a Wedding Registry Event at Crate & Barrel with some friends who were getting married much sooner than we are.  I hadn't really planned on registering at Crate & Barrel but they were offering free gifts and refreshments and those are two things that make me weak in the knees.  For the C & B experience, we just showed up, picked out a couple things that we liked, and scanned them all.

Things were very different when we went to Bed, Bath & Beyond earlier this week.  I had decided that most of our registry would be at BB&B because I had been totally turned off from Macy's by a friend who went through a nightmare with their wedding registry.  C & B didn't have a great selection of the big ticket items that I knew I wanted to have - china, crystal and flatware.  At least I cook and entertain enough that I can justify asking for these expensive pieces, even though I really just love the idea of them right now since our current home is too small to do any major entertaining in.  Anyways, I expected the registration process at BB&B to be time consuming and intense but I had no idea how much of both of those things it would really be.

I do have to say that the service that we received from the Bridal Registry staff at BB&B was outstanding.  We had our own registry consultant who was extremely helpful and knowledgeable, the manager came over to introduce himself and see if we needed anything, and they even ordered food in for us so that we could have a little lunch.  One of the most beneficial aspects of the process was having our registry consultant take out the china that we liked and setting up a table with the china, crystal and flatware options.  I had heard that this was a helpful part of picking out the expensive stuff but I had honestly discounted it.  In my mind, the fiance and I are smart people who can imagine what a table will look like without having it all in front of us.  Well, I was wrong (this is not something that comes out of my mouth very often so everyone should savor it), having everything there in front of you is extremely useful and I would recommend to anyone that they do that when they register.

So loooong story short, we spent 4 hours in BB&B but it was all worth it in the end.  We have picked out things that we really love and will hopefully become family heirlooms in the future.  Thinking about how the things that we have chosen might be passed down from generation to generation has helped me to feel better about asking people for gifts.  After all, we are starting a whole new family - we gotta feed them on something!

Flying by the Seat of Our Pants

In October 2009, this black girl from Detroit will be marrying the love of her life, a Jewish boy from Philadelphia. Our boy and girl met in their first year of law school and quickly became best friends. They were almost inseperable and the girl started to have more-than-friends feelings for the boy but he never got the hints (many, many hints). Finally, after a drunken night in April 2007, the girl got up her courage and did what all drunk girls do when they like a boy . . . she sent him a text message. After she got over being mortified that she sent the equivalent of an "I <3 u" to one of her best friends, boy and girl started dating and knew almost immediately that they were meant to spend the rest of their lives together and got engaged in December 2007.

But how do you have a non-denominational wedding while respecting aspects of both Judiasm and Christianity? Combining the 2 cultures and religions is a challenge, mostly because we want to keep everyone happy (or content, lets go with content). Not everything will be perfect but it is guaranteed to be fun because we are crazy about each other and that is all that matters.